Remembering to Forget
by Indecisivly Undecided
Summary: Valentine never found Clary and her Mother, Jocelyn's plan worked and she's still blocking Clary's memory. But what happens when Jocelyn and Luke die tragically and Clary's memory starts coming back? She thinks she's insane, but isn't she? After all bugs don't talk and humans don't have sharp incisors. And who's Magnus Bane, why does he keep showing up in her dreams?
1. Chapter 1

Clary sat staring at the wall, willing herself to cry, but no tears would come. She felt like a terrible person. Today she watched the ashes of her Mother and the man who was practically her father being lowered into the ground, she watched with dry eyes as dirt was thrown in covering the dark brown boxes.

Her boyfriend of two years, Simon, knelt in front of her, trying to rouse her. She just stared at him; he's changed so much she thought. Two years ago as he sat next to her in Java Jones, professing his love, he had been a gawky, nerd with glasses and a gamer tee. After they started dating he began getting more confident his dark brown hair was styled in a messy way, he still wore his gamer tees but now they were accompanied but a brown leather jacket and dark jeans. Most noticeable is the way he carries himself, instead of looking down and shuffling his feet he holds his head high and walks with purpose. She smiled a little at the thought. He seemed to notice her smile and raised the left corner of his mouth.

"Clary baby the lawyer's here" She turned away; he rested a hand on her leg. "Hon, we need you to sign some forms"

Taking a shaky breath she stood up "I'm not broken Si, I'll be down in a minuet" she was a little disappointed when her voice came out normal. With a new since of guilt she put her hair in a ponytail and skipped down the stairs to meet the lawyer.

He was a tall man not unkind looking but not particularly friendly, Clary had only dealt with him once before. Shortly after her 16th birthday, Jocelyn had brought Clary to his office to create a will for both of them. This was immediately after her impromptu vacation to Luke's farm, it made Clary a little uneasy but she went along.

"Mr. Kilter" she gave him a curt nod.

"It's Doctor, I got my doctorate in psychology before turning to law"

"Does it matter?" He narrowed his eyes at her but said nothing more on the subject.

"Miss Fray, as you're 18, you will receive all of your mother's assets, as well as Mr. Garraway's, including control of the book store." He meet her eyes, something in them unnerved Clary. "Assuming you meet your Mother's conditions" She raised both eyebrows silently cursing her inability to raise just one. He let the silence drag on another minuet before adding "Which would be Magnus Bane"

Clary waited for more but apparently "Doctor" Kilter wasn't planning on giving it to her. Sighing "Ok I'll bite what's Magnus Bane?"

He smiled "Who's Magnus Bane" he corrected "He's a contact of your Mothers you're to meet with him every two years, that's all I know." He leaned forward "What kind of stuff was your Mother into Clary?" he asked accusingly.

Clary shot him a look of pure disgust and opened her mouth to defend Jocelyn but all that came out was a chocked sound like a wounded animal. Simon who had been silently watching the entire exchange jumped to his feet "Thank you Mr." he put extra emphases on the word mr. "Kilter, we'll look over the forms and get back to you." Kilter looked as though he had more to say but was quickly ushered through the door.

After slamming and locking the door Simon went over to sit next to Clary, "That wasn't necessary, Simon" but she had a small smile on her face. Simon was absently playing with her fingers.

"Yes. It was." His mouth was hard, Clary suspected he was hiding something but was content with just cuddling. Everything else could wait until the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Clary woke up early determined to get things done. Disentangling herself from Simon, who had volunteered to stay the night, she made her way to the bathroom. After washing her face she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She was shocked at the_ women_ staring back at her, gently touching her hair, she realised she looked like Jocelyn, taller now with smooth clear skin, naturally read lips, complemented perfectly by her hair, which had darkened slightly, to an auburn red. The resemblance was startling, finally she felt tears, she had tried so hard for yesterday, sting the back of her eyes and she tried to blink them away. Tears were for yesterday she thought with finality, but regardless they started flowing. She sank to the ground sobbing freely.

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Getting out of the shower Clary ran downstairs, sitting in front of her two year old laptop she opened the lid and hit the on button, resting her head on the desk as she waited, 5 minutes later she heard the beep as it jumped to life. She pulled up Google chrome with she only downloaded to play angry birds, and Googled Magnus Bane her finger hovered over the enter button, what was her mother into? Biting her lip she hit enter, her hesitation proved unnecessary, the search only provided definitions for bane, and old batman references. She pulled out the phone book and finding a few Banes but no Magnus.

She cried out in frustration and felt a pair of arms snake around her, she hadn't even heard Simon come down stairs, he pulled her to a standing position her forehead resting perfectly on his chest. They were so close she could hear his steady heartbeat and feel his breath lightly graze the top of her head. She felt him take a big breath and looked up as he spoke to her. "What where you doing?"

"Trying to find Magnus Bane but I can't even find him on Facebook, yet alone the phone book" She had lifted up the book in question and thrust it at Simon as if he had been arguing with her. He clumsily caught it and flipped through to the page it had previously been open to.

"Well there's only like 5 Banes" without another word he sat down and began dialling.

"Thank you" she whispered and she wasn't sure he had even heard but a small smile grazed his lips.

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Clary had decided to take a walk while Simon called around looking for Magnus, it was nice to get out of the house. She stopped at the bagel place down the street, Jocelyn used to take her there, the thought of her mother made her thought tighten. She sat down in their usual both, by the window and watched the people go by. A women and a small child caught her eye, there was nothing particularly special about the women, average height, dressed down in jeans and a fake leather jacket, wearing running shoes, her dark hair pulled into a pony tail, but her attention immediately fell on the child, her eyes were entirely blue, with no pupils and as Clary watched closely the wings on the child's doll began to flutter, she shook her head as if to shake out the images.

After leaving the bagel shop she caught the L train to Luke's book store, her book store. The familiarity of the place hurt, the books "double parked", two rows on one shelf, the large brown bean bag chairs Luke had added to make the place "more fun", the mural Clary had painted, of a scene from her favourite book, Bitten by Kelly Armstrong, Luke had chuckled when he saw it calling it "ironic" under his breath, Clary hadn't seen the irony. But despite all that the store still felt strange, different, almost as if the books knew, Luke was gone.

After a quick look around Clary let herself into the apartment behind the store, and began cleaning, Luke's place was always a mess. Opening the closet in his study, the one room she was never allowed to enter, Clary almost jumped in surprize, Luke had hundreds of weapons some of them glowing. Cautiously she reached out to touch one, a strange cylinder with no apparent blade. She could feel power radiating from it but as she circled her fingers around it, pain shot up her arm, yelping she dropped the object.

Studying the objects from the mouth of the walk in closet, Clary saw a box marked Jocelyn, biting her lip she slowly walked in remembering the white hot pain the metal cylinder had caused her. She carried the box which was surprisingly light, to the living room and began shifting through it. It mostly consisted of old photographs, Clary had never seen before. Her Mother as a child with two boys about the same age, the first one was recognisability Luke but the second was a man Clary had never seen before, he had white hair and was staring at her Mother with a look of love, or as close as love gets at the age of 10. The strange man with the same white hair appeared in almost all the photos; in some of them they had what Clary could only assume to be temporary tattoos, but as she looked at the photos again their skin was bare.

The last photo tucked away in an envelope at the bottom of the box took Clary's breath away, It was Jocelyn in a golden gown her red hair spilling down her back in elegant ringlets, a huge smile gracing her lips, she stood with her arm out as the same white haired man drew on her with a silver looking pen. Under the envelope Clary found the pen, picking it up, she felt her artistic juices flow. Tucking the pen away in her pocket she closed the box and went home to see if Simon had tracked down Magnus.

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**So protective productive Simon, weapon owning Luke (what was really behind that plaid shit?) and young Jocelyn. Not to mention Clary's beginning to see things. Oh and Bitten is about werewolves btw just so you know. It's a really good book I suggest you read it! :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Well here it is.**

"I just don't get it Si!" Clary sat stirring her burger king milkshake, two little boys at the next table were fighting over a toy. "How could no one know who Magnus is?"

Simon gave her a worried look "I don't know baby, but I even called that dirt bag lawyer, he doesn't have contact info"

She took a deep breath "What happened with him? Be-before I came down stairs?"

Sighing "I didn't want to upset you…" He trailed off, Clary waited knowing full well he would continue, if she waited long enough. Shaking his head, "when I came down stairs after talking to you, he was…going through your things, I saw him slip something into his bag…Who _steals _from a client who just lost her mom. I mean really what ki-"

"Simon!" She cut him off mid rant "what did he take?"

"That's the creepy part he, he took a black shirt, your mothers shirt! I got it back for you but still, I don't want you seeing him alone any more" She nodded curtly.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence, before Clary spoke up again. "Simon, will you take me out tonight?"

He smiled Clary loved his smile, "Sure baby where do you want to go?"

"I saw this restaurant on my way to work yesterday, takies? It looked kind of cool, the sign said

'_where you don't have to hide'_! Then maybe we can go dancing at pandemonium?"

Clary knew how much Simon hated pandemonium, the all ages club they've been going to since they were 15, but she also knew he go, for her. So it didn't surprize her when he nodded. She squeezed his hand in appreciation "thanks Si"

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"I swear it was right here, I walked by it this morning!" Clary's voice was frantic. She felt the brick wall but there was no sign of a door, no restaurant, just a very large man with a skin condition watching her. She marched up to him. "Where is it? Where's the restaurant?" He tipped his hat, and walked _into _the wall. "Where are you going? Where IS IT!" The last part was almost unintelligible, Clary could hear her voice shaking.

Clary felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around her waist, she gratefully fell against her boyfriend's arms and whispered "It was right here, Si, it was here."

He was rubbing her arms "I know, I know". When Clary looked up she saw a man appear out of the wall. He was dressed in black, with black hair, there was a little black on his ear making Clary suspect his hair had been died. He smiled at her when he saw her looking. His teeth looked as if they had been sharpened. She shuddered and turned into Simon. He kissed the top of her head. "Let's go home baby" she nodded.

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Simon and Clary stood out front of the apartment building she had once shared with her mother. Unlike her old one, the one they had lived in after taking a trip to Luke's farm, only to come home and find Madam Dorthea, laying dead in _their_ living room clutching a card similar to the tarot card Jocelyn had once painted, only this one had a hole were the golden cup should have been.

Unlike that apartment this one was in downtown Manhattan, it was tiny, two bedrooms and Clary could barley move in what used to be her room. Since Jocelyn's death, Clary moved into her room and converted her old room into a make shift art studio. The room still held her single bed but she now used it for drying paintings, tacked to the walls were drawings of strange symbols, some done in gold but most of them black. They all had meaning to Clary, which she wrote under them. It was her own language at least that was what she had told Jocelyn when she was a child. Jocelyn immediately tore up her drawings and told Clary never to draw them again. Since that moment, Clary had kept her drawings a secret from Jocelyn.

Proudly hanging in the entertaining area, as Clary called it, which was really just a room down the stairs attached to her apartment, Clary had hung a painting she and Jocelyn had completed together, it was the two of them sitting in central park, the sun hanging low in the sky, they had each painted the other.

Clary and Simon had taken the elevator to her up to her apartment, unlike most buildings hers was fairly new and came equip with such luxuries such as an elevator. As soon as they entered the apartment Simon headed straight for the bedroom. Clary bit her lip "uh, Si, I appreciate you walking me home but, I'm ok by myself tonight." She squirmed under his gaze, evaluating her mental state.

"Clary you had a really upsetting day" he started in his most reasonable tone, one that reminded her of Luke, her heart ached. And she felt slightly embarrassed of her behaviour earlier.

"Please, Simon, I-" she broke off with a sob, and ran to her room locking it behind her. When she emerged half an hour later to take a shower, Simon had left, she wasn't surprised.

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Clary emerged from the shower with puffy eyes, she towel dried her curly red hair letting it hang naturally, around her shoulders. She quickly got dressed in a pair a pink pyjama bottoms with polar bears on them, looking around for a shirt she found Jocelyn's black shirt. It was made of a rough material, reminding clary of spandex but thicker. She through it on and wondered to her studio.

Clary studied the symbols she had drawn locating the symbols for mourning, and happiness. Finding the strange pen, from Luke's, Clary drew them on her skin. Feeling nothing at first, she was slightly disappointed, but as soon as she let go of the pen they started stinging. Falling to her knees and curling in on herself, she lost consciousness.

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_She was sitting in a dentist office her hand being squished, turning red. The hand that held her captive was white and cold. The eyes staring up at her were dark and seemed able to focus on her without glasses, or even the contacts he had taken to wearing. It was Simon but not Simon; something was fundamentally wrong. She tried to call out to him but no sound would escape her lips, she felt as though she were chocking, her life escaping with every beat of her heart. She tasted copper in her mouth and realised with a start it was her own blood._

_Simon smiled at her showing the same sharp incisors she saw on the boy outside of Takies. She tried to scream but her throat was closed. Distantly she heard the dentist telling Simon he was going to pull out his teeth. She saw Simon nod, tightening his grip on her hand, even when she tried to pull away._

_He looked up at her, suddenly she could breath, her heart was pumping normally, and she could once again feel her hand. He smiled at her lighting up his brown eyes, his smile was normal, his smile. He spoke in a whisper "it's ok I don't need them"_

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**Well what do you think of the dream? I'll try to explain how Valentine would still have done what he did such as getting the cup.**


	4. Chapter 4

Simon stood outside Clary apartment fingering the little velvet box he had taken to carrying around. Biting his lip he shoved the box further in his pocket and began to ascend the stairs to Clary's. He was ashamed he just left her last night and was honestly concerned for her mental health. But none the less she kicked him out and she was an adult, she had the right to a night alone after a stressful evening.

He opened to door as quietly as he could but it still creaked, in protest. He listened carefully but heard nothing, Clary can sleep through anything, he remember knocking over the dresser and she didn't even stir, not even when Jocelyn came rushing in.

He stood in the kitchen looking over the fridge, finally settling on bacon and French toast, Clary doesn't like eggs but she doesn't mind them on bread. Simon figured she'd be easier to deal with after she ate, considering she probably hadn't eaten last night.

With the aromas from breakfast spreading through the apartment and the fresh cut roses sitting in Jocelyn vase on the table, Simon went to wake up Clary. To his surprise her bed was empty, I quick twinge of panic spread through out him, horrible thoughts speed through his mind. He realized how ridicules he was being she was probably fine. "she's an adult Simon" he muttered to him self. Almost as an after thought, he decided to check her "studio".

The door was hard to open almost as if she had barricaded it. After pushing his way through the door, he almost through up. Clary lying in a puddle of vomit with blood running from her nose her left arm was swollen, balloon size. Trying desperately to remember his mediocre first aid, he had to take to work at Starbucks; he ran out and called an ambulance.

When the ambulance finally arrived Simon was cradling Clary, waiting for them in the lobby. The paramedics gently took her from him and the female paramedic with curly brown hair shot him a death glare, as if he was to blame. And maybe he was, he shouldn't have left her, he was in that fucking apartment for a couple of hours before he even thought to look for her.

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Clary's head felt like a bass drum during band practice and not a good band either more like "puppet imprint", Simon's band when they first started. With her eyes squeezed shut she slowly lifted her body, only to be forcibly pushed to the bed, she tried to cry out and thrash around in protest but she couldn't move. Going limp she slowly opened her eyes, to see a woman with pink skin standing over her. Clary quickly squeezed her eyes and muttered something about the trick of the light and her mind running wild.

She felt hot moist air by her ear. A surprisingly normal female voice rang out. "What is a shadow hunter doing here? Do you not have your own infirmary?"

Clary opened her eyes again and decided, the "nurse" was suffering from some sort of skin condition. "Shadow hunter?" she managed to get out, her voice horse and barley above a whisper, which got a sympathetic look.

"Drink this" a brown sweet smelling liquid was thrust at her. Carefully she took a sip, it warmed her, thoroughly. "Look kid there's, nothing physically wrong with you, but if you don't know what a shadow hunter is- if you're still sticking to that? You shouldn't be playing with it, those ruins, they're powerful"

"I don't know what it is! And I'm not doing magic! I just, I found my mom's pen and I drew on myself I have no idea how I ended up here!"

The pink woman, which Clary had decided to call Pinky, pinched her nose and let out a sigh. "Talk to your mom" she turned and was almost out of the room before Clary called after her. This may be the one link to her mom's world.

"Do you know a good necromancer? My mom and her boyfriend died last week" Clary heard her swear. "Just tell me, who Magnus Bane is?"

Pinky leaned close, so close Clary could smell her tic tac breath, "he's the high Warlock of Brooklyn, he won't see you but here's the address" Pinky, scribbled something on a piece of paper. "And Clary" she said looking at her chart "don't play with that pen anymore". Then she turned and was gone.


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